


Addiction Affliction

by Ziallshippingislife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, M/M, Niall Horan - Freeform, Overdosing, Zayn Malik - Freeform, slight niam, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziallshippingislife/pseuds/Ziallshippingislife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When drugs and pain had taken over Niall and Zayn’s relationship, someone had to walk away, and the other ended up suffering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addiction Affliction

When Niall first received the phone call, he wasn’t sure what to feel. His insides twisted, snapping his ribs in half, stabbing at his heart while crushing his lungs. He found it was hard to breathe correctly, the air feeling like it completely disappeared and diminished around him. His eyes were wide, with his mouth agape, his hands shaking trying not to drop his phone to the cement beneath his feet.

He was with his boyfriend, Liam, at their friend Harry’s house. A typical Tuesday drinking night with all of their buddies. It was a lot of fun for everyone to get together and talk about their week and just hang out since they really didn’t get time to do it any day else. But when Niall’s phone began to ring, seeing his friend Nate’s name from high school on the screen, he was confused as could be. He hadn’t spoken to him in months, but when he heard the boy crying to him on the phone, his heart broke, never witnessing him shed a tear in his life.

“Niall, it’s Zayn.” He shuddered out a breath, and Niall stiffened just hearing his name, feeling a shudder throughout his body, feeling Liam pressing him closer into the warmth of his body.

“What about him?” He asked, trying not to sound so concerned, not wanting to act like he cared because he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t hold it back. He felt Liam’s hand wrapping around his waist, nudging his nose into his neck, silently telling him to get off the phone but ignored the boy completely, knowing he was acting cuddly drunk.

“He overdosed Ni, he’s in the hospital.” He spoke, and at that point he knew he felt something crack inside of him, tears rushing to his eyes, but halting before they spilled over, his cheeks turning red with his emotions.

It was quiet on the phone then, and Niall could hear the desperate cries in the background on Nate’s end of the call. It felt like the entire room went still as his mind was trying to wrap around the idea of the news he had been told.

“When.” It came out as a sort of whisper, disbelief coursing through his veins. He wanted this to be a joke, some sick lie that Nate was pulling like all the many he had pulled in their years in high school. But the small chocked sobs he was listening to was creating this giant pit of pain deep in his stomach.

“Yesterday.” He sniffled, “I got home and I found him passed out cold in our bathroom.” Niall swallowed thickly then, his throat feeling tight, his shaky breaths hard to take as his mind began to think about Zayn, who had killed the life inside of himself, who he may never see again.

“Is he… He’s not-”

“No he’s still breathing but faintly.” He cut in, and Niall gave a huge sigh of relief, feeling a few tears sliding their way down his warm cheeks. “Niall they’re not sure he’s going to make it.”

It was upon hearing those words that made him start to fall apart, and he could tell Liam felt something was happening when his comforting arms tightened around him even more, and his concerned eyes graced his face with wonder.

He let the phone drop from his ear as the conversation ended, hearing Nate saying his apologies and the line went dead. He could feel his hands sweating a little, and his insides were muddled, unsure of how to take in the news, how to cope with what was happening.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” Liam broke in through his thoughts, and Niall looked over at him instantly, seeing those big brown eyes staring at him with hurt eyes of his own. A frown was present on his lips, tying to bring Niall closer, but he pushed him away a little, not wanting to be touched.

He felt hot, worried yet confused, and every single emotion he had ever felt was running through him wildly, causing him to feel nauseous. He stood up now pacing back and forth and he knew every one in the room had their eyes on him, but he didn’t pay it any mind.

He felt the urge to do something. Like he needed to be there by his side. But he also felt that all too familiar anger, which caused him to be so upset that he tried to convince himself he didn’t care. Because he shouldn’t. Not after everything Zayn had put him through, not after everything he’s still putting him through.

He was driving himself insane, going from wanting to grab his coat, sprint out of there to find him or going back to sitting down next to Liam and trying to forget about all the troubles, fights, broken promises and shattered hearts.

He felt a gentle hand grab at his wrist then, and looked around to see Liam, looking so worried, and he sighed. He discontinued his pacing, and bit his lip, as everyone was waiting and wondering why he was crying and walking around the room like a madman.

“Zayn’s in the hospital.” He said, and he could feel Liam tense a little. “He overdosed, God he’s such a fucking idiot. I kept telling him this was going to happen!” He practically screamed, feeling more tears escaping his eyes, and Liam was quick to pull him into his chest, surrounding the boy with comfort.

Niall was trying to suppress the tears, not wanting to cry. He knew Liam was already edgy about the topic of Zayn, but he couldn’t help it, as he hiccuped into his chest about the dark haired boy, who may or may not still be alive.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” Liam spoke, his soft voice, cooing into Niall’s ear, rubbing his back, and soothing him carefully. But Niall was shaking his head, feeling the hole inside of his chest ripping open wider and wider with every second that passed by.

“Liam no it isn’t. He’s in the hospital, he might die! What am I going to do?” He cried, clenching his fists, feeling his heart aching seeing Liam’s broken looking eyes and thinking about Zayn’s shattered life.

It wasn’t a secret that Liam hated Zayn by any means, and he made it known to Niall that he never wanted him around and he didn’t want him to speak of him ever. He knew the damage Zayn had done to the smaller blonde boy, and didn’t hide his hatred one bit.

“Just forget about him, Niall you know that he’s just a tragedy waiting to happen.” His voice was cold, his gaze locking with Niall’s hard, and the boy flinched at his harsh words, feeling his fingernails digging into the skin on his palms.

“Liam how could you say that?” He questioned, anger dripping from him now, feeling more pain inside of him.

“Because I saw what he did to himself, what he did to you!” He snapped, and Niall could tell he was getting frustrated. He knew he had a point behind his words, because it was true, Zayn wasn’t exactly the best influence on the younger boy.

But Niall knew what he had been doing, he knew what he had got himself into. And he was able to walk away and help himself, but he should have stayed to help the both of them. But he left, his anger overriding him, turning away from Zayn and not looking back. He thought it to be the right decision, but now he wasn’t so sure knowing how unstable he was.

He shook his head then, biting at his lip, because he didn’t want to start a fight, but he could tell it was beginning one. He could see the rage Liam was trying to mask behind his eyes, his lips in a tight line, and brow creased in irritation.

“That wasn’t his fault it was mine.” He admitted, and he thought Liam was going to go ballistic.

“You’re blaming yourself for his drug abuse?” He asked incredulously.

“No! I’m blaming myself from running away from him when he needed me.”

“Niall he cheated on you!” He yelled then, and Niall could tell he wasn’t trying to be mean, but his aggravation was taking him over. “He got you into drugs, loved his high more than you, you said yourself that you never wanted anything to do with him ever again!” He pointed out, counting on his fingers for more exaggeration as he rambled off all of the things Zayn had done to him, bringing back the awful memories.

Niall stood there silent, because he wasn’t wrong. Zayn was constantly high, sometimes unable to focus at all, the drugs overtook his body turning him into someone he didn’t even know. He insisted that Niall try it, so he wouldn’t be so uptight anymore. He didn’t like it when Zayn was mad at him, so he tried everything Zayn had laid out for him, waiting for his approval.

He found himself doing these crazy things just as much as his boyfriend, and it scared him. When he found Zayn with a woman, upstairs in their room, he packed his things and went through withdrawal. It was agonizingly painful, crying, begging to die, feeling so sick like his life was going to end.

But it was Liam who saw him through it, promising him everything would get better, telling him he deserved someone who would treat him right. It was Liam who put him back together, but still some pieces seemed to be missing, even now he couldn’t deny it.

“I know, it’s just-” He tried to explain then, but Liam stopped his words.

“That you’re still in love with him.” He finished for him, and Niall’s eyes went wide, hearing the secret within him being displayed right out in front of them being brought into reality. He felt himself shudder, looking at Liam with so much pain written all over his features.

“Stop, you know I love you, not him. I chose you-”

“Because you’re afraid to love him.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Niall snarled, feeling his own frustration bubbling inside him.

“Look at me right now and tell me you don’t love him.” He demanded, and Niall felt himself freeze in his spot, as everyone was watching them, fighting in the middle of the room like fools, as Liam waited for his answer.

He swallowed, knowing what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Liam how much he loved just him and how grateful he was for someone so loving and perfect when he needed him, but his heart was taking over his thoughts. He was unable to say those words, because he couldn’t lie, there was no way he could lie to him.

More tears welled in his eyes as he looked away, unable to take the hurt gaze Liam held. He felt like he was betraying him, after everything he had done for him, but his love for Zayn was too strong and he knew it, they both did.

“He was the love of my life for five years how can I not?” He whispered, and he heard Liam sigh out deeply.

“Because I can love you better and I don’t come with all this baggage and bullshit.” He informed him, sounding like he was pleading with him. He stepped closer then, taking Niall’s hand in his, trying to reassure him, but he carefully shook Liam away, a few tears falling when he saw the broken look his face had.

“I have to go Liam, I’m sorry.” He murmured, facing him completely now, staring at him with apologetic eyes. “He’s important to me, I can’t lose him.”

Niall then stood on his tip toes, and placed a gentle kiss on Liam’s cheek, hoping that he would understand how grateful he was towards him. He owed him everything, but he couldn’t lie to himself, or to Liam any longer.

He gasped though, as Liam pulled him in for a hug, shockingly pressing his lips to his, stealing the breath from the smaller boy, feeling how desperate the kiss was, making Niall shed a few more tears. He kissed back, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close, because this was his apology and his thank you.

When they pulled away, Liam had a forced smile on his face, but Niall appreciated it nonetheless, because even though he was leaving him, he still tried to be brave for Niall, because he was all that mattered, as he told the blonde a million times before.

“He’s the only addiction you couldn’t get over, but I understand, it’s not that easy.”

And those were the last words he had spoken before Niall was rushing towards his car, speeding his way towards the love of his life, yet driving away from his savior.

~ ~ ~

Seeing Zayn hooked up to all these different machines with needles in his arms scared the shit out of Niall. He was pale as could be, looking lifeless on the white sheets he laid on. He was so skinny, with bruises on his arms, and Niall bit at his fingernails, grazing his eyes upon his body.

He didn’t even look like himself, and that alone made Niall burst into tears as soon as he saw him. His mother was there pacing the floor while his father was sitting in the corner of the room not talking to anyone. Trisha bawled when she saw the blonde haired boy, hugging him the tightest he had ever been.

His biggest fear was a reality right before his eyes, seeing Zayn laying there unsure if he was still breathing or not. He was afraid to touch him, his body looking so delicate to the touch, like a single pound of pressure would break him. It made him sick, and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could just stare at the awful scene.

Niall remembered the last time he saw him over a few months ago, how gorgeous he looked. With his beautiful sparkling gold eyes to his perfect cheek bones and that fucking adorable smile he fell for all those years ago. But now he wasn’t even sure if this was the same person. His heart throbbed.

He jumped a bit as he felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder, and he looked over to see Nate. His eyes were puffy and red, along with his hair looking a mess atop his head with every strand going in a different direction. He looked so tired, from crying all day and night, and probably hadn’t slept either.

He had been Zayn and his best friend since they started dating in high school. They were all inseparable, the three of them doing everything together, always hanging out and having a wonderful time. Until that day where Niall, like the fool he was, made Nate choose a side, and they hadn’t talked in a very long time when he told Niall he couldn’t leave Zayn to fend for himself.

Nate never had any cold feelings, but Niall was so blinded by his shattered heart, he walked away and shut him out too, just like he did to Zayn. Not speaking to either of them for an entire year before he was over it enough to just say hi. It was still rare though or hardly ever that he would see or talk to either of them.

But Nate looked at him with a soft smile now and Niall’s memories were flooding back to him, remembering when everything wasn’t always so messed up and complicated.

“How’s he doing?” Niall asked then, clearing his throat, staring at Nate and waiting for him to reply. Yet he only shook his head slightly and shrugged his wide shoulders.

“I don’t know.” He responded, and Niall sighed turning his head back to Zayn, watching his chest slowly rising and falling with his intake of breaths.

“When did they say he would wake up?” He questioned again, trying to get some sort of answer for some sort of relief. He just wanted to make sure that he was going to be okay. He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to see those eyes, he needed him to stay alive.

“They didn’t.” He told him, once again receiving a bland answer, and Niall bit his lip, trying not let more tears escape from him.

He and Nate sat down then, sitting next to each other by Zayn’s side, a bittersweet reunion, which was crushing his heart. He could hear the monitor beeping, his eyes darting around the room, catching the boring white walls with a single window, the sunset lighting the room slightly.

He watched Zayn again then, feeling that hole inside of him swallowing him in, as his mind was thinking of the last time he saw him, with the happiness he portrayed. He looked healthy and happy, and he never imagined this.

The last time he texted him was over a week ago, which he didn’t like to make a habit of because he knew if Liam found out it would make him jealous and upset. His heart clenched, remembering the way he begged him to let him see him again, to let him prove he changed. But Niall denied it, telling him how Liam wouldn’t like it, and that he was his boyfriend now. Zayn hadn’t responded after that.

“I thought he got better.” He whispered, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing at his eyes, trying to understand what was going through Zayn’s mind, what he was feeling, what he was thinking.

“For a while he was, he really wanted to get better.”

“He told me he was though.”

“And he relapsed.” Nate sounded deflated as he spoke those words, and Niall felt ill thinking of Zayn full on using again after being clean.

“Why? Why did he do this?” He asked desperately. He gripped at his blonde locks then, frustration, confusion and hurt running throughout him because he didn’t understand, and guessed he never would because Zayn was such a mystery, so quiet and mystique.

He knew the boy struggled with many things, with his home life and his school work, always being put down and thinking he was never good enough to do anything. He was depressed easily, and turned to drugs for help, which made him worse. His bipolar attitude was killing Niall slowly, along with watching him become more and more addicted.

All he wished was for him to talk like they used too, when they were fourteen and fell in love. But he kept silent about everything as the years went on, ridding his worries for a short time through his addiction until the high wore off and reality came back to smack him full force.

“I feel like out of everyone you should know.” Nate muttered, his eyes flicking over to the blonde whose head snapped over immediately staring at him with an unbelievable look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He gaped, watching as Nate shook his head slowly, trying to brush what he had just said to the side, but Niall was furious now, watching and listening as Nate held this accusing tone to his voice.

“Nothing.”

“No, Nate spit it out.” He snapped, standing up now, looking down at him with tears in his eyes. “You wanna blame me?”

“I’m not blaming you, Niall.” He stated firmly, causing the blonde to back down a bit. “I’m just saying it’s the reason why. He loves you, Ni. And seeing you with that Liam kid, it broke him.”

“H-how do you-”

“How do I know about Liam?” He asked, getting up from his seat now, looking at him straight in his shining blue eyes. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you the number of times that Zayn had cried to me about you.”

The statement made Niall’s heart snap in two, thinking of all the many times Zayn begged for him to come back to him, how many times he promised he would change for Niall, how many times he tried to reach him through other people and social media. Yet, Niall ignored him, disregarded everything he had said, and now he felt this acid guilt sloshing in his stomach.

But Niall couldn’t look past all the nonsense he went through with him. All the drugs and lack of love. It’s like Zayn was empty inside the last few months they were together, and it was so upsetting, so heartbreaking and so scary that Niall couldn’t stay, and escaping was the only answer.

“Would you have stayed? Nate you saw all the bullshit he put me through.” Niall asked, pain laced in his voice, and Nate shook his head once again.

“No and that’s why I don’t blame you for leaving. But he did try to get clean for you.” He informed him, as Nate looked over at Zayn giving him a sad smile, and Niall felt his heart break all over again. “I’ve never seen him work so hard for something before in this life. You were worth it Niall, to him you were, and I just wished you would have tried to let him back in.”

Nate left the room then, with Zayn’s silent parents following behind him. And Niall winced as he saw more tears that had streamed down his mother’s face and the hard look of his father being thrown his way.

They left Niall behind with Zayn, with his mind racing about what could have been done and what could have been prevented, while his heart was swimming in guilt, and his eyes ran a stream of tears seeing the unconscious boy he loved laying in front of him.

~ ~ ~

Niall had stayed all night long, only leaving once they were throwing him out, watching Zayn carefully the entire time. He wished he wasn’t forced to leave, wanting to be by his side when he woke up, if he woke up.

He spent the evening stroking Zayn’s hair and caressing his pale cheek, watching his eyes and waiting and hoping for them to flutter open. He couldn’t help but let his mind wander thinking of the past, how things used to be easier, when things used to be better.

Niall met Zayn when he was just a teenager, young and stupid just like any other. Zayn had moved from a new school, and Niall remembered his deep blush when Zayn commented on his pretty eyes in their first period math class where he had seated himself with a wide smile next to the blonde. He fell for him the first time he saw him, laughing and getting along instantly.

Soon Zayn had asked him out on their first date, and Niall swore he couldn’t have been happier when a few weeks later Zayn asked him to be his boyfriend. He really was everything he could have ever wanted. He was beautiful, gorgeous, kind, caring, generous and everything Niall wished for.

But Zayn had some friends that weren’t exactly a good influence on him, and Niall pleaded with him to not be associated with them, but he refused saying he couldn’t tell him who he could and couldn’t talk to. This was their senior year, after 3 perfect years together, things had started to fall apart.

He was distant, depressed, always tired and irritated. sometimes Niall would be afraid to even talk to him. His mood swings were unbearable, where one day he would hold Niall and tell him how much he loved him and the other he would be yelling at him and storm away from him and not talk to him for hours or for days. It was breaking Niall, to the point where he was stupid enough to think that maybe Zayn wouldn’t be irritated anymore if he tried drugs too.

It made everything worse, and sooner or later Niall couldn’t take it anymore. His friends were telling him he needed to get away, but Zayn would cry and beg him not to go, because he needed him, but when he caught him being unfaithful that horrible evening of their 5 year anniversary, he left without warning and without another word. There was no point of yelling or arguing, they were broken, and he was done.

Zayn had cried and pleaded with him not to leave, screaming how sorry he was and how it was a mistake, but Niall never listened, he didn’t want to hear what he had to say anymore. They were dysfunctional and broken, and even though Niall’s heart ached to leave him he had to go.

What he had missed the most was Zayn’s company and his friendship, because even though he was his boyfriend, he was also his best friend. They used to have so much fun by just hanging out, being so comfortable around each other with that little extra something, like the sex and perfect kisses, and Niall wished he could capture those moments with Zayn and live in that world forever.

Now though, he had returned to the hospital. It was bright and sunny with the sun gleaming through the window, illuminating the room. The chair he had sat in the night prior was still in the exact same place as it was before. He sat down next to Zayn, seeing the boy’s color returning to his face a bit, which put a smile on his face. He really hoped that it was a sign he was getting better.

“Why,” He whispered then, grabbing a hold of Zayn’s hand. “Why did you do this to yourself? It’s not worth it, not at all.” He began to rub circles on his skin, feeling how his hands were warmer than they were the day before.

He wasn’t even sure why he was talking to him in the first place. He was out cold, and it’s not like he would have listened even if he was awake. He knew it because he had tried that before, but he was always so damn stubborn, telling Niall not to worry about him, and that he was completely fine. It angered him deeply.

“I wish I could’ve helped you. I should’ve seen what was going on behind your eyes. You were afraid of quitting and coming back to reality, and I was scared too, but I didn’t listen or help you.” He continued to ramble, feeling his heart clenching inside of his chest, feeling tears welling in his eyes.

His mind flickered back to Zayn’s long text messages and thousands of voice mails begging Niall to come back to him months after he left. He was so desperate, but Niall didn’t read or listen to any of them. He just couldn’t. He squeezed his hand a little harder then.

“I shouldn’t have abandoned you even though you made some mistakes. But you’re ruining everything again, just like you ruin everything else, like you ruined us, how you wrecked me.” He gritted his teeth tying not to let the tears come rushing to his eyes. “But I want to help you this time, like I was helped. I want you to get better. I want the old you, I want the Zayn I used to love.”

He knew things for Zayn would get hard soon. Not having the drug inside of his body, killing him with the want and pain of it begging for it. Niall remembered how he thought he was going to die when he was going through it, but he had Liam by his side to kiss his forehead and promise him that soon all the aches and pains would go away.

He had promised himself that he would never go through something like that again, and for Zayn to have gone through it once, and now having to go through it again, he couldn’t even imagine.

“I can’t believe you sometimes.” He shook his head, feeling his emotions attacking his mind and heart, thinking of how Zayn had been back to his healthy normal self just a few months prior to this, seeing him and thinking maybe he could finally be happy. Niall’s head just couldn’t wrap around what the hell he was thinking, why he would ruin himself again. It didn’t make sense.

“You do stupid things. But I miss you so much sometimes it hurts, but I remind myself that I couldn’t have stayed because as you continued to break yourself you broke me too.” He was almost yelling now, having to get up and pace because he knew he needed to calm down but it was so hard.

He was thinking of all the bullshit he endured to just be with Zayn. He tried to give him every chance in the world. Let him promise he would get better, let him plead with Niall not to leave because he needed to stay. He told him how much he loved him, but Niall was having a hard time believing it at the end, and eventually the support he had holding him up, was ripped from underneath him.

“I was so mad at you, I hated you, what you did to me was-”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Niall froze then, his eyes going wide, as he heard a gravely voice coming from behind him, his chest feeling suddenly tight, and his entire body whipping itself around to see Zayn, with half lidded eyes, and a giant frown prominent on his face.

“Z-Zayn?” He gasped watching as the boy tried to sit up now, his weak body struggling to lift himself up.

“I never wanted to cheat on you, ever.” He stated firmly, his dark eyes capturing Niall’s then, heartfelt and apologetic features colored into his golden eyes. 

Niall felt the air being pulled out from within him. The tears he had backed up, coming to hit him full force seeing Zayn in front of him now, awake, alive, here with him. His mind was still trying to catch up.

“You’re awake? Oh my God, you’re alive, Zayn-”

“I woke up yesterday, in the middle of the night.” He shrugged his shoulders, and gave a careful smile in Niall’s direction. “I really guess I did it this time, huh?”

His short pained laugh made Niall wince. It was cold and unfeeling, and Niall really hated the dejected look on his face. He began to walk back to his side then, sitting down in that god awful chair, and wiping away a few tears that had dripped down to his cheeks.

“I’m just so glad you’re okay.” He breathed out relieved, wanting to grab his hand and hold him, but he was afraid to touch him now, unsure of what his reaction would be. He hadn’t seen him in forever, ignoring him, declining every call or text that begged him to let him talk to him or just see him.

It was quiet then, neither of them saying a word, and as Niall watched the boy, the deeper his frown would get. He didn’t understand him, what he was feeling, what he was thinking and he wished he could know. He bit his lip, as Zayn’s eyes darted around the room, landing everywhere except where he was.

“Nate told me what happened, and he told me that you might not make it.” Niall blurted out then, causing Zayn to finally turn his face to look at him with a pained expression, and when he closed his eyes to look away again Niall felt something inside him snap. “Dammit Zayn, I was so worried about you! Why did you do this to yourself? What if you didn’t make it what if you died? I was s-so scared Zayn I-I..”

“Niall-” Zayn tried to cut in, but Niall went furious.

“No! Listen to me, I swear Zayn you better not fucking do this again, I can’t-I don’t want to lose you I wouldn’t be able to live with myself please, you can’t…” He trailed off, staring at Zayn and waiting for him to answer, hoping he would say something.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered eventually, and Niall felt anger bubbling inside him, as he watched him shrug off his words so casually, looking like he didn’t give a shit at all what he was saying.

“You’re just sorry?” Niall questioned irritated and Zayn refused to open his eyes.

“I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“I want you to stop being so damn stubborn and promise me you’ll never do this again!” He yelled, and Zayn’s face dropped instantly, his eyes flying open and throwing daggers in Niall’s direction causing the boy to wince and just blink back, watching his angered eyes and hard scowl.

“Why do you even care?” He snapped, and Niall felt his heart burn inside of his chest at Zayn’s harsh tone.

“What?”

“Why do you give a shit about me? You shouldn’t you’re not my mother, my father, not my friend or my boyfriend or anybody, you should leave me alone.”

Niall couldn’t believe his words as he stared at the boy on the white sheets in front of him. The gown he had on slipping off his tan, petite shoulder a bit as he barked at the blonde boy. Niall could feel more tears welling in his eyes, and he couldn’t give a shit less if he started to bawl now, because how could Zayn say something like that?

But obviously Zayn didn’t care, because he was laying back down now, with his eyes facing the ceiling acting like Niall was being a bother, slightly turning away from him and Niall could hear himself screaming on the inside.

“Are you kidding me right now? I’m nobody to you?” He snarled, his voice cracking with how enraged he was, and Zayn rolled his eyes now.

“That’s not what I meant I-”

“That’s what you said!” He accused, clenching his fists. “I’m sorry that I fucking care about you!”

“Well you shouldn’t.” He gritted his teeth and Niall stood up abruptly now, the chair tipping and almost falling back, and Zayn looked at him with wide confused eyes, seeing him getting the angriest he had ever been in all of the time he had known him.

“So I shouldn’t care about somebody I love?” He questioned him, his eyes wild and tears were running down his cheeks, and he saw the way Zayn sighed and lightened up the anger on his face now. He shook his head back and forth a few times, and Niall was trying not to burst into sobs.

“Stop it, Niall.” He warned him, turning away again, but Niall grabbed his hand pulling him back a little, but not hurting him.

“No Zayn-”

“You don’t love me and I can’t love you.” He told him then, but this time there wasn’t anger laced in his voice, there was no irritation written on his face, and his eyes held sympathetic features, and Niall felt his mind stirring, seeing a familiar look inside of his eyes.

“Why are you saying that?” He asked carefully, and he swallowed thickly when Zayn gave a small, sad, side smile, watching the blonde with his careful eyes.

“Doesn’t sound familiar?” He questioned back, and Niall felt his heart tug when he could practically taste the words on his tongue remembering the night so long ago, when he slammed the door shut on Zayn and never looked back.

“The night we broke up…” He whispered gently, and Zayn now gripped Niall’s hand too, holding back with just as much care.

“Those words still ring through my head every single day.” He admitted, and Niall sniffled, remembering the day all too clearly.

“I was angry.”

“And you had every right to be.” He told him, and squeezed his hand in reassurance. “I fucked you over and ruined your own life.”

“That’s why I left.” He mumbled, feeling his emotions tiring him out. His eyes were definitely bright red, and the tears were still spilling over as Zayn continued to speak to him gingerly.

“And I don’t blame you for that, and I don’t blame you for this, no matter what Nate has told you.” He smiled at him sadly, and Niall began to wipe away the tears on his cheeks, seeing Zayn’s caring eyes and warm smile.

“I really thought you were getting better.” He told him and he shrugged sadly, his frown returning to his lips.

“I was for a while.”

“What made you want to go back to that life? It ruined you, it ruined us..” He asked him, because he still didn’t understand why he would return to the thing that wrecked them in the first place.

“I just thought it would help me to forget.” He said honestly, and Niall shook his head, still not quite understanding.

“Forget?”

“About you.” He whispered, his bright eyes meeting his then. “When I saw you with your new boyfriend it fucking sucked. I had no idea you moved on and I thought I could too but then I remembered how much I still loved you. I have loved you since the moment I had met you 7 years ago and I will continue to love you for 700 more.” He rambled, and Niall felt more tears in his eyes, and he couldn’t believe he could even produce anymore.

Zayn then reached forward and rubbed the boy’s cheek, brushing away the tears that were resting on his warm skin, and smiling at him carefully. His heart was racing in his own chest, just seeing Niall here for him, knowing that he still cared, that he still wanted him, and that was enough for him.

“Z-Zayn.”

“I’ll get better and this time I swear it Niall.” He nodded at him, and chuckled when Niall tried too pull away and wipe at his tears, but Zayn grabbed him in, and did it for him. “Hey, please don’t cry anymore, love. I don’t want to be the reason for your tears, okay?”

“They’re happy tears because I’m just so glad you’re okay. And I’m going to help you this time. No more running away, I’ll be right here. I can’t lose you, not again, not ever.” He promised him pressing their foreheads together and taking in the moment, feeling each other both.

Because things weren’t certain still, and it scared Niall to no end, hoping that the evil pull wouldn’t drag them back. Everything was still unclear, and the future was unsure. Maybe this would take them both in the right direction, with each other. And maybe one day they would be clear from the haze of the blinding smoke and the mess of it all.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the past couple days because this had actually just happened with one of my best friends ex-boyfriend. Drugs can ruin people, and turn them into someone you don’t know anymore and then take them away forever, so don’t turn your back on them, help them because seeing someone lose their life to something like this is so tragic. Thank you for reading guys.


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